The Why and the importance of Relationship
In my research into why students exhibit challenging behaviors at school I have come upon so many underlying causes into what goes on when they act the way they do. In turn so many reasons have also popped into my mind just from my 15 years of teaching experience. Some that I see often and that I have read about through research are poverty, trauma, academic struggles, and emotional struggles. The amount of stress, fear, anger, and sadness that students can carry on a day to day basis is heartbreaking. This heartache hits us teachers tenfold because our students become such a big part of us and they are with us the majority of the year we have them so we are given the difficult task of figuring out what is causing the behaviors and then devising a plan to correct them (mentioned in my last post).
The area that I have personally found the most difficult to deal with is trauma. "Kids often don’t express the distress they're feeling in a way that’s easily recognizable — and they may mask their pain with behavior that’s aggressive or off-putting" (Miller, 2020). These children have been dealt difficult situations from death to abuse to neglect and so many other forms and to try and help them to trust me, become less angry and hurt and then focus on learning is so difficult. I remember one situation specifically many year sago when I taught Kindergarten. about a quarter into the school year I received a new student. His first day with me he ran over to a table went underneath it and began to bite the leg of the table. I did not even know what to think or do with this 5 year old boy. I had no training, no prior experience , no insight into where this boy has been and what he has been though and did not feel very equipped for this situation. Never the less I let him stay under the table till it was time for PE, had another teacher take my children to PE and then climbed under the table with him. I introduced myself, and just started to talk to him about our school, about myself and about what our days will look like. I did this for many days after. The table became his safety zone and he was doing his best not to let me in. Eventually one day he reached out and put his hand on mine and we got out from under the table. In the days after I reached out to as many resources I could to help this sweet boy. I eventually learned he had been in a home where severe abuse had occurred. He was homeless and he mom and baby brothers were running from his abusive dad. Mom had her own struggles and through the school social worker and administration as well as a community help center we got them as much help as we could. As his life at home began to improve and he felt safe he began to thrive and his hiding and crying every morning soon turned into a smile and a hug. Sadly he didn't return the next year and I got word that Mom had given up her rights, but the one thing I do know is that a tiny seed of hope was planted in my student. He learned how to pick himself up when times are tough and even as a kindergartener learned coping strategies for those times.
Even though the task is daunting we have to continue to try to reach these students and let them know they have someone on their side who loves them no matter what. We are the ones who are often placed with the job of teaching them coping strategies and how to press on. My student mentioned above was very angry at first. He refused to let me in, but I refused to give up and eventually he shoed me his hurt and I did everything in my power to help him heal. Many times we are the only person they have to believe in them, and even though they push back with their behaviors it is simply because “they are masters at making sure you do not see them bleed" (Miller, 2020).
The area that I have personally found the most difficult to deal with is trauma. "Kids often don’t express the distress they're feeling in a way that’s easily recognizable — and they may mask their pain with behavior that’s aggressive or off-putting" (Miller, 2020). These children have been dealt difficult situations from death to abuse to neglect and so many other forms and to try and help them to trust me, become less angry and hurt and then focus on learning is so difficult. I remember one situation specifically many year sago when I taught Kindergarten. about a quarter into the school year I received a new student. His first day with me he ran over to a table went underneath it and began to bite the leg of the table. I did not even know what to think or do with this 5 year old boy. I had no training, no prior experience , no insight into where this boy has been and what he has been though and did not feel very equipped for this situation. Never the less I let him stay under the table till it was time for PE, had another teacher take my children to PE and then climbed under the table with him. I introduced myself, and just started to talk to him about our school, about myself and about what our days will look like. I did this for many days after. The table became his safety zone and he was doing his best not to let me in. Eventually one day he reached out and put his hand on mine and we got out from under the table. In the days after I reached out to as many resources I could to help this sweet boy. I eventually learned he had been in a home where severe abuse had occurred. He was homeless and he mom and baby brothers were running from his abusive dad. Mom had her own struggles and through the school social worker and administration as well as a community help center we got them as much help as we could. As his life at home began to improve and he felt safe he began to thrive and his hiding and crying every morning soon turned into a smile and a hug. Sadly he didn't return the next year and I got word that Mom had given up her rights, but the one thing I do know is that a tiny seed of hope was planted in my student. He learned how to pick himself up when times are tough and even as a kindergartener learned coping strategies for those times.
Even though the task is daunting we have to continue to try to reach these students and let them know they have someone on their side who loves them no matter what. We are the ones who are often placed with the job of teaching them coping strategies and how to press on. My student mentioned above was very angry at first. He refused to let me in, but I refused to give up and eventually he shoed me his hurt and I did everything in my power to help him heal. Many times we are the only person they have to believe in them, and even though they push back with their behaviors it is simply because “they are masters at making sure you do not see them bleed" (Miller, 2020).
What are your thoughts on trauma and building relationships? Do you have a story to share? Comment below👇!
❤Author- Lindsey Cruz- Special Education Mama and Teacher
References:
Miller, Caroline (2020). How Trauma
Affects Kids in School. Child Mind institute.
Retrieved
from Https://childmind.org/article/how-trauma-affects-kids-school/.
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